Breaking up is hard to do, especially when it’s not your relationship

My 16-year-old son and his girlfriend of several months have recently separated. They dissolved their relationship.They changed their status to ‘single’. Okay, they broke up.

 

Funny thing is, I think my wife and I are more upset than they are.

 

Oh, don’t get me wrong, My son is not very happy right now, he’s been pretty somber and quiet lately — even more so than usual — and they still aren’t talking at all, which is sad. But we really liked this one, so we’re taking it kind of hard, too.

 

Please don’t tell him.

 

It may be a bit strange that we’re sad, even though it’s not technically our relationship. I don’t know, but that’s the way we both feel. And, I suspect, it may be the way his girlfriend's parents feel, too. The kids have known each other since they were little, so it made for a nice story when they decided to date and, as the saying goes, they made a nice couple.

 

A not-so-small part of me wants to reach out to her parents and console them (okay, myself); you know, maybe get together for coffee or something. But that might be weird, especially if they don’t feel like we do. And what if the kids found out we were meeting behind their backs…what if they saw us at Starbucks? Awkward.

 

I also can’t help but wonder: will they be able to patch things up? Can they go back to being friends or will they never speak again? The state of their relationship is an interesting metaphor for our own relationship with our fast-maturing son…both are quickly slipping out of our control.

 

On the upside, we’ve gotten to spend more time with him recently. He actually suggested a family game night a couple of weekends ago, where my wife, good person that she is, may have allegedly thrown a five-hour game of Monopoly out of sympathy. What moms won’t do for their sons. We all had fun.

 

Of course, we know these things are all part of growing up and that both kids will be fine, regardless of whether they are together or apart. They will both learn from this and their next relationship (or when the get back together, he said, hopefully) will be better for it.

 

It’s still hard watching you child hurting, whether it’s physically or emotionally, but we know it’s a burden all parents have to bear. It’s a trade we make for all of the good times and one I would gladly make, because the good times really are that good.

 

Hey, if you happen to see my son anytime soon, maybe you could ask him about his girlfriend? I’m still holding out hope.

My first semester as a college dad (Or, my life as a freight train)

 

Like the slow but inevitable plodding of a freight train, my life continues to move down the tracks…whether I like it or not. Yeah, that’s me, back there on the caboose, just trying to hang on.

 

This fall, the train that is my life passed through another major crossing gate as my eldest son, Andrew, headed off to college. It was mostly a smooth transition, moving from college visits last year to offer letters, high school graduation and the eventual selection of a school. I knew it was coming.

 

And we liked his choice. It’s far enough away (about 100 miles) to give my son some freedom, while giving my wife and I some solace in knowing we can get there relatively quickly if we need to and/or frequently if we want to. All was good, right?

 

Well, as good as can be expected when 20% of your life packs up and moves away.

Believe me, I’ve tried at times to apply the brakes to my life’s train, but it doesn’t seem to matter.  At this point, I can’t even get them to make that annoying, metal-on-metal squealing noise any more. My life has crested and the train is doing what trains will do downhill — it’s picking up speed.

 

Funny how most of us can’t wait to get things moving when we’re young, only to find ourselves begging for them to slow down later in life.

 

The really cool part, though, is that I can now see my son’s train gathering steam. Not only is it out of the station, it’s surging forward and leaving those huge, black cylindrical smoke patterns behind it as it heads up the first big hill.

 

He’s doing well in his classes, has joined a fraternity and just signed a lease for a house he and his frat brothers will rent next fall. He’s well on his way and we know the work he’s putting in now means his train will have many tracks from which to choose in the future.

 

We hope we’ve prepared him well enough for life’s twists and turns; he’s a responsible young man and we’re proud to tell people he’s our son. But there’s only one way to find out if we’ve done our job well and that's to wait and see.

 

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I can’t control what’s down the track for Andrew. My natural instinct is to protect him — to head down that track and clear the way for him. But I can’t do that. Not now.

 

He’s a big train and he can handle it. Right?